How Not to Ski

Bonjour! To all you non-French-speakers out there, that was French. It means hello. So hello! I haven't posted in forever, and I'm sorry about that. Let me sum up my past few weeks for you real quick: no school, school (with finals), skiing, ski races, homework, homework, homework. Yay now you're all caught up!!! Now we can talk about the fun stuff.

Today I'm going to talk about something I don't like. More specifically something that I don't like when I ski. Don't worry; I'm not going to rant on about how much this something sucks. I'm just going to bring up some things about that something that amuses me. Have you guessed it yet?? It was in my last blog post...



Tourists!

True, I don't like them on the ski slopes. They crowd the runs and make it hard for me to do big, carving turns down the whole run. But let's face it: tourists are hilarious.

And just because I'm so organized, I'm going to make a little list about why they are so funny....  :)

1. The Position of (or lack of) Goggles
  Most tourists prefer to just look cool and ride with some sweet shades and a hat or occasionally a helmet, but some just want to look like a local. According to them, the correct way to wear goggles is to position them as far down the face as possible, exposing skin between the helmet and the goggles. Now we locals know this all looks silly, but it seems perfectly logical to tourists.

The proper positioning of goggles

Yeeeaaah no. Doesn't work.

2. The Opening of the Ski Coat
  We all know the zipper on the coat is there for a reason: to close the front of the coat. And most of us will wear it the proper way all the time. But say it's a hot day and your back is starting to sweat from all the heat. Us locals know of vents that partially open the coat located under one's arm. Many just use a lighter coat. But hey, that's not very fashionable, say the tourists. Let's just open the coat. It keeps us cool and gives us a wing-like presence (a very stylish presence). It also keeps us from going totally out of control when we expertly scale double-black terrain.

A good example (by Home in Time for Tea)

3. Stance
 Here's how to turn like a tourist: Stand with legs apart. Rotate legs in so that the skis form a "pizza". Spread out arms for balance. Bend forward. Slowly rotate body in the direction you want to go. Once you have turned, go strait until you reach the other side of the run. Attempt to turn again. Fall. Get up. Repeat.

Look I found a picture for you! (by Wedge and Snowplow)

4. Helmet Covers
Yeah, yeah, helmets are pretty important. But they are also pretty boring to tourists. So why not style them up a little? Of course, most days are too hot for helmets anyway according to the tourists. But say it's a cold day, and the warm lodge and steaming cup of hot chocolate that awaits is not as appealing as skiing for another hour or two. So instead of wearing plain old boring helmets, tourists like to add a helmet cover. The kids like to use the animal ones, such as cats or unicorns. The adults want to look a little more mature, and prefer to use spikes (stuffed ones, of course).

The fluffier, the better. (by Child Mode)

5. Odd Clothing Items
Renting a onesie is usually the easiest. And of course it doesn't look ridiculous at all. But hey, why use ski stuff when you don't have do? I see a lot of tourists just wearing jeans (which is actually really fun-I've tried it). One lady was wearing the whole outfit: jeans, a fancy coat, and a big fancy purse. I mean, really? Do you need your driver's license in case a ski patrol pulls you over or something?

Maybe we should all wear those (by Teton)

Please never try to look good when you ski. You don't. (by Ski with Michelle)

So those are some things that tourists do that we locals find funny! True, they are really annoying, but I can laugh so hard because of those guys.

One more thing: to learn how not to ride the rope-tow, watch this video! Super funny!